peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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