Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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