I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
