Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
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When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
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My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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