I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
