I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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