so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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