I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
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