We won't sleep together?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
