just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
