She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
