I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
