Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
