He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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