Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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