I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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