Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I touched a dick in church today
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
