Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
