he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
