I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
