nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
