Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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