I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!