just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...