i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex