Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.