Texts From Last Night

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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?

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  (203): I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon? http://tfl.nu/6yeo
  Replies (34) Good night (4796) Bad night (2692)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos

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  (804): just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos http://tfl.nu/9tfl
  Replies (14) Good night (6204) Bad night (679)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..

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  (630): You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell.. http://tfl.nu/hsjq
  Replies (37) Good night (13791) Bad night (1150)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.

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  (317): eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped. http://tfl.nu/504u
  Replies (65) Good night (7184) Bad night (1830)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  Thanks, mom.

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  (513): Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection! (1-513): Thanks, mom. http://tfl.nu/k49b
  Replies (17) Good night (4203) Bad night (1352)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.

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  (630): As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games. http://tfl.nu/gy2l
  Replies (7) Good night (1991) Bad night (1034)
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.

  (712): View more from Iowa

  On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.

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  (712): You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled. (712): On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride. http://tfl.nu/7lij
  Replies (2) Good night (2241) Bad night (1230)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.

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  (609): He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies. http://tfl.nu/y08j
  Replies (5) Good night (846) Bad night (1315)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan

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  (631): he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan http://tfl.nu/sol0
  Replies (19) Good night (2027) Bad night (966)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?

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  (416): I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS? http://tfl.nu/n2hz
  Replies (11) Good night (2450) Bad night (623)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.

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  (931): I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds. http://tfl.nu/alhy
  Replies (1) Good night (1058) Bad night (612)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.

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  (757): It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets. http://tfl.nu/9hch
  Replies (17) Good night (683) Bad night (1319)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.

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  (832): The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats. http://tfl.nu/ohp9
  Replies (2) Good night (1194) Bad night (351)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?

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  (415): Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do? http://tfl.nu/y25e
  Replies (4) Good night (295) Bad night (607)
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  (949): View more from California

  He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.

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  (949): He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year. http://tfl.nu/mbqy
  Replies (0) Good night (302) Bad night (410)

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