she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.