Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
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We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
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I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina