That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
