Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
