I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Congratulations! We have a period
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
