So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
