this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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