Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
