I am puke
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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