what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
