I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
