Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
she was so not down for the gang bang
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I smell stomach acid.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
