I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
