I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
