clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My vagina is very pro this idea
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
