Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
