Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Randomize
