The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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