Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
