: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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