I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
