i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You made out with two different species that night
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
