btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
