hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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