I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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