There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
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Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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