I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
