I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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