We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
