a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
