You made me cry and you don't even care
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
