It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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