I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
you inspire me to be a worse person
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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