Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
