2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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