Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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