i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
