I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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